Are You Really Listening?
May 22, 2008
Are You Really Listening?
By Gene Swindell
The Voice of Changeä
Most people spend about 80 percent of their day in a passive listening mode. Background noises, extraneous sounds, and idle conversations are tuned out as we go about doing our daily routines. When you walk into a room where background music is being played, you hear it but you don’t listen to it. Then, someone asks, “What’s the title of that song?” At that point you switch to active listening. You focus and concentrate on the song – and probably spend the next hour trying to recall the title.
Poor listening has resulted in lost business opportunities, project screw-ups, missed assignments, wasted time, and strained or even broken relationships. In every aspect of business today, listening to customers, clients and associates is essential to determine their needs and expectations. But most people are stuck in the habit of passive listening.
What’s the major difference between passive and active listening? It’s moving beyond your perception of what people want. That becomes a major task, especially when your perceptions become mixed with old thinking, old habits and old methods of functioning in your job.
There are four key elements to active listening:
1. Nonverbal Attends – Facial expression and eye contact reveal one’s listening intent. A pleasant facial expression and direct eye contact convey interest, concern and care to the person speaking. Squaring your body with the speaker, rather than turning away, also indicates openness to receive information. A head nod is a listening signal.
2. Verbal Attends – These are simple acknowledgements to the speaker that you are listening. Simple sounds (“ah huh,” “hmmm,” “I see”) indicate the message is being received. Verbal acknowledgements are especially important in telephone conversations when the speaker cannot see your head nod.
3. Door-opener Questions – Questions that focus on “who,” “what,” “where,” “when,” and “how” solicit dialog and indicate your interest in the speaker’s comments. When questions are asked, we naturally listen for the answers. Door-opener questions produce information, show interest in the other person’s concerns, and make you a better listener. Avoid “why” questions until absolutely necessary. They can appear threatening or confrontational
4. Paraphrasing – Research shows the concentrated attention span of humans is only about 30 to 45 seconds. Our brains are processing words so much faster than they are being spoken that we start forming our responses long before a speaker finishes. Paraphrasing or restating the speaker’s message from point to point helps to keep you focused and shows that you are listening.
Remember, money talks — you listen!
Comments
Got something to say?
